Tuesday, December 30, 2014
In truth, I had very few female friends in my life until about 6 years ago when I knew I needed to refocus and re-center my life. But I wasn't sure how - it seemed to me most of the women I knew were awful.
In 2010, God began to reveal a funny little passion I never knew I had. It was a passion for seeing a community of women grow and flourish in each other and in Christ. I guess some might even call it women's ministry. I pushed back for a long time because I held on to a lot of past issues with 'friends' and kept telling myself that no, no - women's groups and women's issues were NOT my thing.
I've had some hits and misses when it comes to finding and keeping female friends. We just don't click with everyone and women are emotional beings who get their feelings hurt easily. Some days I feel like I'm back in high school and I want to throw my hands up and say FORGET IT. Who has time for it? I need people in my life who understand where I'm at and can respect what I'm able to give. That hasn't been easy to find, but I'm fortunate to have a few friends who just get it.
And over the past 4+ years I've dipped my toe in the pool a few times, and jumped back out but year after year, God reignites this passion of mine in different degrees and a variety of ways. I'm still very much figuring out what this looks like and how to take it on. I'm a mama who works part time for a non profit organization, homeschools a teenager, takes care of one highly spirited threenager and a 14 month old stage 5 clinger.
The great thing about knowing that this is part of what God is calling me to do is knowing that if I pursue him in the process, the pieces will come together. I don't have to sweat about it, stress about it, freak out about it. I feel excited but I also feel calm.
But until I have the pieces in place, I want to say this to you, my sweet friends.
You are so, so loved.
I wish there was a better way to convey that or fancier words to use. But that's the truth. My heart is so encouraged by how many of you reached out to me after my last blog post. I was terrified to post, worried that I'd hear nothing but crickets chirping. In fact, the opposite happened. So many of you answered and shared your hearts with me. You told me of past pain and current hang ups. You told me your heart craves the same thing. You told me you were all in, and you wanted to help in any way you could. You told me you desired a space where you could be free of the pressures of books and studies and weekly commitments. You told me you saw a space like I saw. Women gathered in homes, around tables, playing Cootie (you had to be there...) sharing conversation and eventually sharing your lives.
And there were many of you who reached out to me privately to share pain and heartache and things you felt were too personal to share on Facebook. I want each of you to know that I felt your hearts aching as you shared your stories with me. And I want you to know that I won't forget about you and I will be praying very specific prayers for each of you.
I know that God wants what we all so desperately crave - for the walls of condemnation, of judgment, of insecurity and fear to come crashing down. For us to sit with each other as sisters and friends and learn to love with grace and acceptance.
I am truly excited. And I am extremely thankful that so many of you were willing to share your heart with me. I believe that we each have a beautiful gift to share, beautiful and broken stories that will heal the pain of others who will realize they aren't alone. This process is already unfolding in front of me. It started with a Facebook conversation and I can't wait to see what comes out of that. Thank you for taking a risk and being willing to be part of what's coming!
Take heart, dear friend. The creator of the universe knows you intimately and He weeps when you weep, He rejoices when you rejoice.