I, Miranda, receive you Todd to be my wedded husband. I accept you as
a precious gift from God. I love you with a love only Christ himself could place
within my heart. I promise to give myself to you as Christ gave himself to the
church. I wish to have and to hold you from this day forward, for better for worse,
for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish as long as
we both shall live, according to God’s holy ordinance.
I lived life as a single parent for 10 years before I met my husband.
I learned to do pretty much everything for myself. I raised my son alone. I cooked, I cleaned, I packed his lunches. I clothed him, I put him to bed, I helped him with his homework. I took out the garbage, killed bugs, fixed broken appliances, hung pictures on the wall and at times - moved furniture by myself.
I worked to support him. At one point I worked a full time 9-5 job, then went to work waiting tables in a bar 3 nights a week. I would get home at 4am, sleep for a few hours and then get up by 8 to pick up my son from my parents and drop him off at daycare while I went to my "real" job.
I learned not to rely on anyone else. I developed a tough exterior - one that didn't need anyone. I could do it myself, thank you very much.
This past week I have been a little shocked at how much I need my husband. For the first time in our entire marriage I think I am realizing that I need him. I know you are probably thinking, "Miranda, of course you need him - you married him and that's what marriage is about!" And don't misunderstand me - I love my husband. He can make me laugh like no one else. He's the most intelligent person I've ever met, and sometimes it strikes me as funny that he likes to have conversations with little ol' me. (Seriously, dude is brilliant. He writes books!)
But even though I love him and we chose each other to be with for the rest of our lives, I don't think I felt like I "needed" him. I got married because I wanted to, not because I needed to.
I dropped him off at the airport this morning as he travels out of town for work - which he does quite often - but this morning felt different. This morning I felt like a piece of me got out of the car and boarded a plane.
I couldn't have gotten through the past 2 weeks without him. I needed him in a way I never realized - and even though we won't be struggling with loss and tragedy every day of our marriage, it has opened my eyes to the kind of relationship we can have. The kind of relationship we should be working on every day. One of vulnerability, one of raw honesty, one of sweet and compassionate love. The past couple of weeks could have very easily brought out the worst in both of us. Stress and tension have a way of doing that. It has been amazing to see us come together and be stronger than ever, and I am so proud of his commitment to his family, to the church, to his job and to God. He loves each one so passionately and fully and I don't think I've admired him more than I have this past week.
I am lucky he chose me.
No, seriously. You know a single pastor is a hot commodity here in the South! ;)
Thankful to be reminded of that this week.