Love is a Verb

Boy social media has been fun this week, hasn't it? (sarcasm)

I can hardly scroll through my feed without being told how to feel, think or act about Caitlyn Jenner, especially because I call myself a follower of Christ.

And since my opinions and thoughts on the whole thing aren't generally aligned with what seems to be popular thought, I don't even want to go there - this isn't a debate about what she should and shouldn't do with her life and what God says or doesn't say about it in the bible.

But rather this is a plea to my friends to stop using social media as a way to be lazy Christians.

It's fine to have opinions, we all do. Our thoughts, experiences, feelings and emotions shape who we are and how we feel about things. I personally don't care what you think or don't think about this whole thing.

But what saddens me is the blatant disgust, attempts at shaming and name calling I have seen from so many people. Shouting bible verses behind the relative anonymity of a computer screen is not really what I believe God had in mind when he commanded us to love others. Assigning greater weight to certain sins over others is not our job.

Last night, I responded to a comment thread about this whole thing, and about the concept that those of us who aren't in an uproar about someone else's life must surely be confusing love with acceptance - that we can love without agreeing with someone's actions. That whole love the sinner, hate the sin thing.

And while I suppose there is truth to that line of thought, to ME, it seems that so many people think love means shouting your opinions on Facebook while sitting on your couch in your pjs watching Netflix. Because as long as we are talking about what God thinks, we're getting the job done right?

Sure I'm not a theologian or a gospel scholar but see, I'm pretty convinced that isn't love at all.

A few years ago, a pastor friend of mine (Holla Jared Kirk!) gave a sermon about love - I don't remember much of it (sorry, Jared...mommy brain and all...) but I DO remember him saying that love is a verb. I've heard this several times since then, so I know you've probably heard it too - but it always sticks with me.

Love isn't just words. It's actions.

Saying you love someone isn't enough. As humans, we respond not just to words but to touch, to kindness, to actions. We observe everything around us and we internalize it and it shapes who we are.

It has become far too easy for us to say passively that we are praying for someone. To talk about our faith on social media or in blogs and think that's enough. To shout about what we are against instead of what we are for. To point fingers and act like someone else sins more than we do.

But the truth is, Christ died for my wretchedness as much as anyone else's. And I don't know about you, but if you really stop and think about that - that'll kick you in the gut. He died for MY sins. For MY wickedness. When you get right down to it, we are all the same in that way.

No, you don't have to agree with someone's actions to love them. But I do have to wonder - isn't it critical to get in the mess with someone you claim to love? Get down in there, sit there with them, try to understand what's happening and what they are struggling with. Listen to their heart, their feelings, their emotions. Learn who they ARE.

In my personal life, I can attest that over the past couple of years I have harbored a LOT of anger towards someone I'm supposed to love. And some of that anger was justified, some of it came from a place of hurt because I had been deeply hurt.

But if I'm being honest, a lot of it came from a place of fear and of misunderstanding.  And yes, my fear and misunderstanding was normal and justified. Most everything I feared would happen DID in fact happen. I felt angry, disgusted, and furious because I didn't want to truly understand what was happening with the other person.  Some of it - a lot of it even - was justifiable.

But if you want to live out the gospel, you have to stop thinking about your own fears and embrace the unknown. To open your mind and listen to what God tells you.

And yeah, sometimes it sucks. Because when you get right down to it - we are all failing. And to admit that God sacrificed His Son for you as much as He did someone else will shine a light on your own brokenness faster than you can blink. But that's what is beautiful about the gospel. Our failures, our sins, our mistakes don't define us.

Hey friends, let's not just preach love. Let's actually give it. The gospel is so much more beautifully lived out through actions and not just words. We have an incredible message of radical love and grace. And if we are commanded to love others, that means we have to try to live life with them and not against them.

(Also y'all - Snopes is a fantastic website to verify what you're posting as truth...just sayin)

Not You

Beckett is really developing quite the vocabulary and fills our home with non stop chatter these days.

When anyone is talking or asking a question, Beckett is more than happy to respond - even if the question wasn't directed to him.

I have a habit of having full out conversations with Declan - you know what I mean, "Are you having a hard day Declan?  Is your belly hurting you?  Are you tired?" etc etc etc.  I mindlessly talk to him all day long.  Beckett, assuming all conversation must include him, generally will respond.  

And I playfully say "Not you, Beckett!"

It goes a little something like this.

(Declan screaming)

Me: Poor Declan, is your belly hurting you today?
Beckett: Yeah.  It IS Mommy, it IS hurting.
Me: Not you, Beckett!
Beckett: Yeah!

Lest you think I'm the world's worst mother, I assure you I respond with a playful tone.  In fact, I never thought much of it until one day I addressed Declan, Beckett responded and then quickly chimed in to address himself with, "Not you, Beckett!"

I don't know why but this little interaction stabbed me in my mama heart.  I felt AWFUL about him repeating that phrase.  It made me realize just how much those little ears hear and what they take in. What Beckett had been hearing was, "Not you, Beckett!"

Even though these past interactions had been playful and silly, and with absolutely zero ill intent, anger or frustration on my part - the last message in the world I wanted Beckett to internalize was, "Not you, Beckett!" - especially in the wake of a new baby brother.

This Christmas season, I've been particularly grateful for the message of the gospel.  

Tim Keller says:  “The universal religion of humankind is: We develop a good record and give it to God, and then he owes us. The gospel is: God develops a good record and gives it to us, then we owe him. In short, to say a good person, not just Christians, can find God is to say good works are enough. . . . But this apparently inclusive approach is really quite exclusive. It says, ‘The good people are in, and the bad people are out.’ What does this mean for those of us with moral failures? We are excluded. So both approaches are exclusive, but the gospel is the more inclusive exclusivity. It says joyfully, ‘It doesn’t matter who you are or what you’ve done. It doesn’t matter if you’ve been at the gates of hell. You can be welcomed and embraced fully and instantly through Christ.’"

Encouraged and hopeful that I am loved by a Heavenly Father who doesn't say, "Not you"

Merry Christmas, friends.  

May you find joy and peace in Christ this holiday season.  May you rest in the freedom of a Savior who offers you relief from the bondage of sin.