taking

I'm never one who likes asking for help.

Does anyone, really?

Seriously, I'm pretty bad at it.  After Beckett was born, we had meals set up, and about a week or so into it, I shut that gravy train down.  I just felt so bad having people do all of that for our family.

This season of my life?  Oh, God is using it to humble me.  In a big way.

There is help being offered, and I am taking it.  Dinners?  We had them for a good solid month, four times a week.  Not a night went by that we didn't have a delicious dinner at our ready.  Friend at the store offering to pick something up for me? Sure.  Diapers, please.  Family at Trader Joe's?  Yes - bread and milk, if you don't mind.

I am taking the help at every corner it's being offered.

Do I feel awkward?  Yep.

Do I feel like I'm burdening other people?  You bet.

Am I doing it anyway?  Absolutely.

Why?

Because it takes me until 4:30 some days to get dressed and leave my house.  Because some nights I'm up almost until the sun rises and I'm too tired to worry about dinner or diapers.  Because my children are probably going stir crazy and if you offer to take them out of the house for me, I am going to let you.

And because I know deep down in my soul that God intends for us to live in community.  I preach it - I offer it - I have brought countless dinners to new mamas and offered to pick things up for friends if I was out.  It's easier to give than it is to receive.  But that's not what God wanted for me.  For you.  For all of us.  He wants us to carry each other's burdens.  He wants us to live in the mess and chaos with each other.  He wants us to grieve, to celebrate, to pray, to live, to BE with each other.

The kindness of other people in the last 2 months has brought me to tears several times, with utmost appreciation and gratitude.  With absolute and utter relief.

There is a lot going on right now in our lives - not just new baby stress, but things that could make me feel bitter and angry and resentful.  And I can't promise I don't feel those things - I do - but you guys.  YOU who have brought dinner or diapers or bread and milk or sent messages and gifts and cards and prayers - God. Is. Using. You.

He is using you to show me He is here.  He is using you to show me He knows ME.  He knows my heart, my struggles, my pain, my happiness, my joy.  He is using each of you in different ways and in my angriest or saddest or most overwhelmed of moments, He uses you to soften me.

Friends - always be ready to help.  Friends - always be ready to accept it.