now that i have seen

I want to tell you a story.

But truthfully, it's hard to put into words what God has placed on my heart this past year - hard to formulate swirly thoughts into written words about the things I've read, the things I've prayed for, the promises I've made, the leaps I've taken, the fear I've felt, the frustration and apprehension, the joy and certainty.

I could list all the books I've read over the past year that have begun to chip away at me, take hold of a place in my heart and push me out of my comfort zone. I could tell you every thing that has inspired me along the way but this journey has been mine and your journey may be different. It may not look anything like mine. You may gather inspiration from completely different sources. God will tell you something completely different than He's telling me. He may be telling you to rest in motherhood right now, or to go back to school, to dive in at work, to invest in a friend.

So here is what I want to tell you. This year, I knew that God would radically shape who I was. I knew that I was being called to do something else with my life than what I was currently doing. I knew that this year was going to rattle and stretch me.

He took me from a comfortable place in motherhood and handed me a baby who needed much more than I thought I could give. He took me from a comfortable place of worship with other believers just like me and put me in a multi-cultural worship environment with people who are not just like me. He took my husband and I from a comfortable position where we couldn't discuss our weaknesses and brought us on staff with people who know our struggles.

And He told me to get up out of my comfortable Christianity and to branch out of my once a month volunteer church position and give of myself.

For 10 months I've been talking to God about all of this, about where He was taking me, what He was doing. For 10 months I've been asking him to break my heart for what breaks His - and in the words of Jen Hatmaker, to "raise up in me a holy passion"

I prayed, I pondered, I researched, I analyzed the dreams I had in rare moments of sleep. I took one step forward and then doubted myself, and took ten steps back. I questioned God. I looked around at my chaotic life and laughed, thinking - there is no way. There is no way I can do more.

But, friends, I am really - truly - excited to let you all in on the little secret I've been keeping for awhile now. To tell you that God has led me into territory that is frightening and heartbreaking but is exactly where God wants me to be. I will be joining up with the already amazing team at End Slavery in Charlotte, a fantastic organization and justice initiative of 24-7 that exists to raise awareness about modern day slavery.

Human trafficking, sex trafficking - these are areas I will immerse myself in over the coming months. My role at ESC will be partially in the social media capacity, and partially as a writer and blogger as I record my personal journey through this process. I will write about what I learn, about the people I meet, about the safe houses being acquired for victims, and I am sure I will write about much, much more.

It is my hope to not only raise awareness for the 800,000 victims trafficked each year, but to tell the stories of those who have been rescued. To put faces and stories and lives behind those numbers. The statistics I'm learning are already breaking my heart. There is no way I can turn away now. What I know is too powerful, too tragic and it is not ok.

I hope you'll follow along with me on this journey. I'm excited to share it with you.

xoxo